Shooting BIlliards
by CountSheep
Summary: Madness Combat Fanfic. Almost bar fights and billiards. Sanford/Deimos.
1. Chapter 1

The dark Nevada nights were always lonely. They were deep, silent, and for Sanford, dreamless. He had once had a beautiful wife. One that he had held close in those dark nights. But she was gone. She had long since his first death disappeared. Where to? Who knew? But recently he had found himself less concerned with such mysteries. There was no point in him wondering over it anymore. Even if he found her, he was dead. He couldn't live that sort of life any longer.

But, there was another reason. He wouldn't admit to it. Ever. He had a reason that he never really pursued the woman he had once loved. A reason why he never let himself die. A reason why his once dreamless nights seemed to pass with less longevity.

Although he hadn't been particularly fond of the young man at first, he found that with time and patience, anything was possible. But then again drinking seemed to help move things along. In fact, if he remembered correctly, he was far past his normal post mission buzz. A couple of scotches, a good bourbon, and beer…lots and lots of beer. He hadn't been so intoxicated since the day he returned home from an honorable discharge from the Marine Corps. And hotel bars made getting back to where you slept just that much easier.

It was after coming home from yet another assignment having to do with those damned improbability drives. The entire job sent Sanford and his partner Deimos across the state on a wild goose chase only to find that it had been a false alarm. Needless to say Sanford was more than upset. He was straight up livid. 6 days. 6 days of nothing but fighting, carnage, bloodshed, and bullets. He was exhausted. Deimos was sitting next to him at the bar, fast asleep. The kid hadn't even ordered anything to drink. Just sat down in the high seat and watched the bartender work until his already tired eyes drooped shut.

Sanford found it amazing how the young man could sleep so soundly in such a noisy atmosphere. He glanced down at the techie's face and gave a small smile. He was jealous of the seemingly carefree demeanor the kid possessed. Deimos stirred slightly, a muttering something under his breath. The older man reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder massaging it gently, ready to wake him should he need it.

"Mmmm~…yessir that's nice."

Sanford snatched his hand away immediately and nervously glanced around. Nobody had heard right? He glanced back down at his partner. There was a look of utter bliss across the young face. What the hell was that? God this one had been weird since the day he had met him. Always following him, always violating his personal space. Always sitting far too close. What was with this kid? He shot another look back down at Deimos. The techie had shifted, turning is face towards Sanford. His messy hair was hanging in a curtain in front of his eyes.

"Hey, you dumb hippie, how many times do I gotta tell you to cut your hair. I's getting' too long…"

He reached out and brushed the hair away from the young man's face. The kid wasn't really a hippie. But the way his attitude towards the world seemed to say "You don't own me. I do whatever the hell I feel like."…it just screamed…Free. What a little non conformist he was. Sanford laughed inwardly, flicking the long unruly bangs from Deimos' face.

"Hey, yer buddy alright?"

The bartender was leaning against the bar, drying out a few shot glasses.

"Yeah, we had a long week."

The man nodded knowingly but then gave a slightly disapproving look at the sleeping patron.

"Well can you make him stop drooling on the bar? I got health standards I gotta keep."

Sanford looked down to see that, indeed, there was a small trail of saliva trickling from Deimos' mouth. The older man laughed. He rested his head on the bar, next to his snoozing partner's face. He was close enough to feel the younger man's breath. It always reeked of tobacco. The bartender gave a small, mischievous chuckle.

"'Nother beer?" Sanford caught the jester-like glint in the man's eye.

"Absolutely."

The look of sheer terror on the young man's face as the bartender slammed the glass down on the hard wood bar only inches from his head was almost, if not funnier, than his face when awoke to see his older partners face only inches from his. At least it had been funny. Until Deimos tried to jump back and succeeded in toppling backwards off of his seat and into a particularly troubled looking patron, taking him along for the ride to the floor.

The bar fell eerily silent as Sanford and his partner in crime laughed uncontrollably at the domino effect that had been made of the bar. Unfortunately the troubled patron didn't catch the joke. The man stood angry and indignant, beer spilled all over his wrinkled dress shirt.

"Owwww~….Seriously dude what the fuck?"

The man turned his sights to the young man that had spoken. He grabbed Deimos by the front of his jacket, pulling him roughly to his feet.

"THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW YA SHITHEAD!"

"What, n-no dude that wasn't me."

"You mean to tell me you didn't knock me outta my seat?!"

The man was livid. And while Deimos was an agent, public displays were frowned upon. Technically they weren't even supposed to be out in bars until they had checked in with the Higher Powers. In short, if this altercation even required the security being called, there would be hell to pay later on at the Facility.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey now, Jasco, clam down…No need ta get upset." The bartender tried desperately to quell the angry man that was beginning to radiate with malice. The man, Jasco, turned his glare to the bartender.

"Shut the hell up, Quin! You wanna give me one good reason to NOT beat the shit outta this little fucker, spit it out!"

Quin merely propped an arm on the bar top, cocked an eyebrow and nodded towards Sanford. Never once in any of these poor civilians' lives had they seen such a livid human being. The joking laugh had basically taken a round trip to hell and came back as a harsh, furious growl. The comspec stared directly into the angry patron's face with cold, unforgiving eyes.

Jasco faltered, "O-oh…uhh…right…"

Sanford shot out a hand and took the man's forearm in his iron grip. Jasco immediately relinquished his grip on Deimos. Now the techie had seen a lot of things. A lot of strange things. But nothing would ever quite meet the standards of what he was about to witness.

The young man merely stood, staring dumbfounded as his partner stormed behind the bar and through the back exit, pulling a terrified along for the ride. And there was no doubt in anyone else's mind that that was going to be a one way trip.

Quin raised his hands smiling happily.

"Alright, folks. Nothin' to see here. Go about your business."

Outside, the sounds of a brutal beating were rising to disturbing volumes. Quin's smile only broadened.

"Pay no mind to the angry man that is now beating the tar out of another man."

A blood curdling scream.

"That's right! Just go on drinking. There are certainly no pissed off drunks getting an ass-whooping from a dangerous and furious queer trying to protect his cute little boyfriends honor!"

He made a sweeping gesture towards Deimos, whose jaw had nearly hit the floor at the last remark. Every patron was staring. At him. While his partner's little alley way rumble raged on.

There was suddenly a loud slam followed by an eerie silence. The kind that chilled your soul.

Moments later Sanford came…what the hell was that? Sauntering? Yes, in fact that was the only way to describe the way Deimos' older partner entered the bar. He casually did so back to his seat, plopping down with a dull smile across his face. He raised a hand to grab Quin's attention.

"One for me and the kid please."

Deimos was absolutely in a state of shock.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!"

Sanford and Quin both looked up at the loud young man quizzically.

"What do you mean?" Sanford asked innocently.

"Where the hell is that dude?! What did you do to him?! Why is the bartender making gay jokes about us!? Why are you walking funny?! SO, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!?!'"

Sanford gave a faux "aha!" expression.

"Oh…you mean that. I just politely explained to the good fellow that if he ever touches you again, I'm going to show him this neat little trick where I untie my shoe-"

"Don't do that you know you can't tie your laces back up without my help."

"-from inside his mouth."

"Ohh…oh God."

Deimos turned to look at the back door, and then turned back to his smiling partner. Back to the door. Back to a still smiling Sanford.

"You fucking killed him didn't you?!?!" Deimos sprinted to the back exit and out the door.

Sanford sipped at the beer Quin provided him with.

"Wait…you were making gay jokes about us?"

"A-yep!"

"Why!?"

Sanford was beginning to lose the calm, post brawl mask.

"Oh please, buddy. I've seen every type of couple that gets boozed up stagger through those doors, and you, my fine faggot friend, are probably the most couple-y of them all!" The man slapped a hand on Sanford's back.

But all Sanford could do was stare at the drink in his hand. His smile faded.

"Yeah but…Deimos…he isn't- he wouldn't ever be…interested in…"

He couldn't bring himself to finish. For some reason it felt as though saying that final 'me' would seal the deal. End things before they ever had a chance to begin.

At that moment Sanford glanced up to catch the sight of Deimos re-entering the room. He had a pleasant, surprised smile on his face.

"You did that," he gestured to the alley out back, "for me?" Sanford blushed at Deimos' smile. He tried to hide behind a scowl.

"Um…yeah I-" He never even had the chance to finish before Deimos was vaulting headfirst over the bar.

The world pulled a flap-jack and spun as the older man felt himself being tackled by the young man. They both tumbled to the ground.

Quin gave a hearty laugh as the remaining bystanders began to (nearly simultaneously, mind you) awkwardly leave the bar. Soon enough the only ones left were an entertained bartender, and a veteran agent being embraced and kissed sweetly by his young partner. And all Sanford could think about was how Deimos actually TASTED like tobacco. And what a pleasant taste it was.

"Well if you 2 are having fun down there, I'm just gonna leave for the night."

Quin was staring down at the partners on the floor. He gave Sanford an "I told ya so" look before finally making his way to the rear exit. But not before turning and giving into the desire to say aloud: "By the way, the billiard tables probably cleaner than the floor. Just be careful, one of the legs are loose and might break if you, well, 'play' too rough."

Sanford gave him the thumbs up.

"We'll be careful!"

Deimos turned to stare incredulously at Quin.

"Wait WHAT?!"

Before there was time for an answer Deimos was yanked down and thrown over Sanford's shoulder, and promptly carried to the billiard table.

"C'mon Deimos. How's about we 'shoot some billiards', hm?"

"NOT ON THE FIRST DATE! NOT ON THE FIRST DATE! NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!"

"I Break!"

"Oh my god…wait, what are you gonna use as-"

"Whatever I find layin' around!"

"NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!!!"

END

I really wanted some funny banter going on with these three (Quin included) and really that was sparked after reading auburn-haired-sadists-XD 's fic "Shopping at the Rift". The dialogue was just so funny! Read it! Now! Trust me. You. Will. Laugh! (shameless advertising? You bet your ass it is!)

That actually wasn't how I planned this fic to turn out. It was supposed to end with them actually just bonding over a game of Billiards. But I just kept typing and well…the need for some comedy over came my need to see the two bonding.

I was a little iffy on whether Deimos would end with "I NEED AN ADULT!" or "NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!"

As you can see the second one won. Reviews are love.


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